Writing Style

This seems to be a common problem. I think about the fact that I need to blog, and then fail to do so when I'm thinking about it, AND THEN midnight rolls around and I've failed to blog. I've done this enough times now, that you think I would have learned my lesson by now.

Apparently I'm a slow learner.

I finished reading Mitch Albom's latest book, "Have A Little Faith". It was so good. Although honestly I adore all of his books. He writes in such a straight-forward manner that it is easy to let yourself get lost in the story. His writing style is similar to Anderson Cooper's. Each of them write in a very clear and simple way.

They say what they mean to say without being overly showy about the way that they say it. That is the writing style that I strive for in my journalism career.

It is officially Saturday morning. I have gotten all of my letters asking for support in my trip to Mexico put together, and just need to mail them in the morning. At some point today I'll be blogging again, in penance for lessons unlearned.

Exciting Times

So blog-wise, I haven't done very well this week updating. Oops. Monday was a case of forgetting. I had an article to write, an SpartanEdge meeting to go to, and Sarah got here to visit for a few days. I was focused on so many other things that blogging didn't cross my mind until after my self-imposed deadline had passed.

I had a SpartanEdge deadline that I was a little more focused on. My article on student voting rights was in this weeks edition of SpartanEdge, so that's kind of exciting!

Then Tuesday was insane, there was a lot to be done and not a lot of time to do it in. I had class in the morning, where we struggled with Internet that didn't want to work, a projector that wouldn't allow us to go over past assignments, and just general technology flubs. We worked on learning to write scripts for broadcast.

I'm fairly certain at this point in time that I don't want to write for broadcast. While that attitude could change, I'm fairly certain that I will stay steadfast in that evaluation.

After class Sarah and I went to get lunch, before I had to got to work, and soon after I got out of work we went to the Anberlin/All American Rejects/Taking Back Sunday concert. It was really good, and a lot of fun! I haven't listened to a lot of Anberlin, but I really liked their set so I think I'm going to have to check them out.

Anyway, as far as blogging, I am now back on track with my weekly schedule and will be doing some extra posting this weekend to make up for my failure to post early this week. The last few weeks around midterms have seemed crazy busy, but I think I'm managing to get things back to a steadier pace. At least, I hope so.

Scavenger Hunt

As usual, when I fail to post as I am thinking about it I end of forgetting about it completely. I was going to write something up before going to work last night, and didn't. Once my shift was over I walked over the the Girl's House, and hung out and obviously failed to pay any attention to my blog. True story.

Last night was fun though. The weather was rather awful, so they didn't end up doing the scavenger hunt earlier in the evening. Why that led us to believe doing the scavenger hunt in the dark was a good idea... I'm not really sure.

At any rate, in the dark accompanied by the wind and rain we split off into groups and drove around campus lead by riddles. The object of the game was to solve the riddles, find the structure they were talking about, and snap a picture with someone in the group in the picture.

We were all soaked by the time we got back to the house, but it was fun regardless. Afterwords we just hung around for a bit longer. It was close to two or so by the time I got back to my dorm.

Shortly I'll have to go grab somthing to eat and then head off to work again. This time I'm working the late night shift over in Wilson. Most likely I'll go join the group for Hot Dog Ministry since it's Halloween.

I feel like I have a lot of homework that I need to get done, but am lacking the focus to do so. Then again, everytime I look through what needs to be done it's really not that much. I think mainly I"m just nervous about applying to the school of journalism. My instinct is to say that I'll get in, and yet there is that little kernal of doubt in the back of my mind. I'm honestly not sure what the plan is if I don't get into the J-school...

Lede Writing

My JRN 200 class seems to be going well. Today we went over the 'ledes' that we were assigned to write at the end of last class. He put up examples from what people in the class had written, with our names stripped from them. It was a really good way to get an idea of what to shoot for and what to avoid.

Although it was a little embarrassing that one of mine ended up on the screen, because I accidentally typed in lighting rather than lightning. Thank God it wasn't a graded assignment, because that mistake would have gotten me a zero.

At the end of class we did another writing exercises where we wrote more 'ledes'. I think that went well, but I suppose I'll find out next class. The really strange thing was, that I e-mailed my work in to Omar but it didn't register in his e-mailbox. Then the computer wouldn't let us go back and make sure that it was in my sent messages folder.

Once I got back to my room though, I was able to confirm that it was sent out. I guess other people were having a similar problem last class, and their e-mail ended up getting to him a half an hour after they had sent them. It's a little nerve-wrecking when you aren't sure an assignment has sent, and you're in a class with really strict deadlines.

Party People

I have determined that "typical college culture" makes me feel old. I understand that at twenty years old, I'm far from old but honestly...

Last night was ridiculous. I definitely didn't manage to get enough of the reading done as I needed to. During intermission, or rather the brief period that the party next door migrated elsewhere, I got maybe ten to fifteen pages read. Once the party people returned, not only could I hear clear voices and loud music through the wall on my side of the room, but I could also clearly hear the group that had chosen to roost in the shared bathroom. It was definitely too loud to concentrate on my book, so I opted for sleep instead.

It was maybe a half an hour later when my roommate wandered back. This of course was fine, I've told her before that when she gets back to the room that she doesn't have to worry about bothering me... but jeez. So she gets back and knocks on the bathroom door, when she then proceeds to engage the party peeps.

They then all stood there and talked for a few moments before someone goes, "Is your roommate asleep?"

"Yeah."

... The lot of them then continued to talk at full volume for a while longer as I "slept". Egh. It was a long night. My alarm clock went off at seven thirty and I definitely didn't get up, of course that backfired because by the time I did get up and ready I had fifteen minutes to walk to class. It generally takes fifteen minutes to walk there. Finding a seat was annoying since the class is pretty full. Anyway when I sent to sit down the band on my watch snapped and went flying.

That was annoying. Then of course in the two hours between classes I still didn't get my reading completely finished and we had a quiz at the beginning of my Lit/Cultures. The first question I got wrong because of the way the question was worded and the second one I got wrong because it was about the ending and I hadn't read the ending yet.

So I failed that quiz. Excellent.

Then once class was over everyone in the class got up to go even though the professor was still talking. I understand it was 1:30 and the class was technically finished... but really that is so rude. Overall some of the people in there are so rude and it makes me cringe.

At any rate I felt much better once I was on the way home. I need this weekend to recharge my batteries and gain back some of the patience that I've lost over the last few days.

Four Post Weekend

I would first like to point out that I am incredibly tired. That out of the way, I feel that I need to apologize for failing to post these last two days. I really had every intention of posting yesterday, but of course intentions can only get you so far. In fact, it was only after I had managed to scale the railing up to my bed that I realized I had forgotten to blog last night.

There really is no excuse for my having missed yesterday, but whatever. I am very close to being caught up on all of my reading for my classes which is a very good thing. Lately it's seemed like I'd never be able to catch up and this is only the second week!

Wednesday was fun. I went to fellowship and ended up staying out out until one thirty, which meant that I forwent a significant portion of reading but since the rest of the day had been devoted to homework I think it's alright. It's most likely something that I'll go to every Wednesday, so I will do my best from now on to blog before I go. I swear, I'm going to try and get back into the swing of things.

Alright, I need to get some reading done and then go grab some lunch before making my way to my last class of the day. Make sure to look out for my four weekend posts!

Moonlight Madness and a Mac

It's not so much that I forgot to post yesterday, but rather that I didn't take the time out of my day to do so. I should have blogged yesterday morning.... but when do I do what I should?

Yesterday was actually really cool though. My Mac finally made it to my house, and so my parents decided to bring it up to me. My dad also left me with his phone with orders not to lose it. I won't lose it! It was a good thing they drove up to, because I got my dad to help me move the TV to it's new spot in the room. We had to go get a longer cord to hook up the cable, but now it's all set. 

Last night the campus had a couple different programs going to welcome students back. There was U-Fest at the Union and then Moonlight Madness at a local Meijer. Basically at either one you could go and get a bunch of free things. I met up with Felicia and a bunch of girls that she lives with over at the Moonlight Madness event and that was really fun. She introduced me to a ton of people, whose names I know I won't know time I see them. Eventually I'll be able to keep all of the names straight. 

Anyway I got back to my room around one thirty this morning, at which point I commenced in breaking out my Mac and getting it partially set up before proceeding to go to bed. I've now been up since ten, and have managed to once again get my itunes set up. Hopefully this will be the last time that I have to tinker with my itunes for a very long while... I think I'll finish reading the first chapter of the Economics textbook for class tomorrow, and then perhaps I'll take a walk and scope out my classes. Class starts tomorrow! I'm so excited! 

Sometimes Words Fail

It was nearly four in the morning before I even considered going to sleep, therefore I feel that can honestly say that writing this blog entry has been on my mind all day. I considering going ahead and writing it earlier, and then didn't. There was no particular reasoning behind this decision. So, at around three in the morning rather than blog, or you know sleep, I opted to attempt to work on my novel.

I hate to mention my novel too often because generally when you mention such a thing people become curious and curiosity leads them to asking, "Oh yeah? What's it about?" Yeah, see I don't quite have an answer to that yet. I mean, OK sure I'm the one writing it so presumably I should know what it's about. Notice I say presumably...

At any rate my early morning hours were spent attempting to fill a blank screen with words that would adequately describe the scene that I could so clearly see in my mind. It was proving difficult this morning and I haven't since sought to work through whatever mess I created. Sometimes words fail us, they hide just beyond our grasp even when we know with absolute certainty what we mean to say we cannot find the words to express our sentiment.

Essentially what I am saying here is that my early morning writing session was an exercise in futility because no matter how hard I fought with myself to come up with the proper words to depict the scene that was so vivid to me, those words just wouldn't present themselves.

As far as what my novel is about, the only potential answer I have come up with so far is that it is about our struggles with our sense self in dealing with the world that surrounds us, it is about coming to terms in various senses of the word. I know this is vague, and therefore fairly lame but it's all that I've got. Anyway, don't expect too much to come of this novel in the too near future since I've been cultivating the idea since at least my sophomore year of high school.

Yeah, exactly.

Styrofoam Mess

Yesterday I forgot that I needed to blog until one in the morning, when I was finally considering sleep. This of course means that I will be blogging twice on either Saturday or Sunday. In my own defense I wasn't really too awake last night, and not having my own computer for the moment is a bit distracting.

Yesterday at work it wasn't really busy, though I kept busy enough. At one point a customer wanted to buy a set of lamps, but the pair she was interested in weren't on display aware so I told her that we could open the box so that she could see what they looked like.

There were three boxes marked to have the set that she was looking for, go figure that everyone of those boxes had the wrong pair of lamps in them. This of course meant that I had to open every box of lamps from that brand to verify that the correct lamps were in them.

Now this wasn't such a horrible task, except for the Styrofoam that they are packed in. The Styrofoam, for whatever reason, refuses to stay in one piece EVER. So of course I was showered in Styrofoam several times over. Egh.

Then of course, prior to work there was the early morning drive up to WCC to work on getting my brother prepared to register for his classes for this semester. Our Mini-Van died the other day, and since dad was golfing my car was the only one available at that moment. It was a long day.

Facing Frustration

Yesterday was a rough day, and though I would like to say I'm over it I'm afraid that isn't going to be true for a few years now. At any rate, things seem to be coming together, and hopefully that is a trend that continues.

The bulk of my problem at this point, is that I am very independent. It's difficult for me to bring myself to ask others for help, because that seems to hint at some measure of weakness and I can't abide being perceived as weak. When my ability to rely on myself comes into question, I grow frustrated.

I've worked hard to build my reputation over the course of my life. I worked hard to do well in high school, and later at WCC. I earned those grades, and I worked my ass off to pay my way through those two years of school. It frustrates me that all of that doesn't seem to mean anything when it comes to funding further education. I feel like I've more than earned my place, and yet at times it's as though it is thoroughly unreachable.

I've been assured that everything will work out. I've said myself that failure is not an option here; yet these affirmations to nothing to assuage the doubt that continues to linger in the back of my mind...

Greg Holden

“It’s better to make your mistakes
than to live without knowing,
it’s better to fall on your face
than to stay on your feet”
-“The Art of Falling” by Greg Holden

This is an idea that I like to live by, but I don’t always manage to. When you are busy failing or perceiving yourself as failing it doesn’t always feel as though it is worth it. While sitting here at my desk it’s easy to feel as though there is always something to be learned from making mistakes, and yet at the same time when in those moments of making the actual mistake it’s crushing.

As a rule I don’t like fail. No one likes to fail, or seeks to fail.

What I really like about these lyrics is that they remind us that it’s okay to take risks. Risks allow us the opportunity to learn and to grow. Mistakes offer models for future success, and this something that I often lose sight of. I think it’s something many of us often lose sight of.

Computer Issues

The last several days have been kind of crazy. My computer for whatever reason has decided that it no longer wants to recognize the presence of my optical drive. This happened several months ago. Recently, as I believe I have mentioned, I've tried to correct that problem. I haven't had any luck on that front.

I took it to a local company to fix it at the end of last week, and they aren't sure what's wrong. According to the computer everything is working just like it's supposed to be, except for the fact that it actually isn't. They even called HP to see if they had any suggestions. All they had to say is that it's a common complaint with that particular model and they aren't sure how to fix it.

Great.

So I've been living without a computer for the last few days, which isn't optimal but it's alright. Thankfully their offering to trade my computer with one that they have, and all I'd have to pay is the service fees for what they've done to investigate the problem with the origianl that I brought in.

Bassically this means I will have a computer again some time tommorow. Thank God!

Failure and Defeat

“How do you typically react to failure or defeat?”

The bottom line is that no one ever truly seeks to fail at anything, even though we are all aware of the importance of failure in the equation that equals success. In order to find success one must be willing to risk, and face failures. It is also true that we may often feel like a failure and yet in actuality not be. Our own expectations may often serve as our undoing.


But the question was how I typically react to failure. I’d love to say that I take it in stride, but I know that’s not an honest answer. I tend to be able to work through it, but it depends on how
I’ve perceived myself to have failed. How committed I was to the project prior to the failure makes a world of difference.

In general, I’ve been known to revert back into myself following a failure. I remember that my freshman year of high school was particularly trying. Looking back on it now I’m aware that I was never truly in any danger of failing, but I was afraid of the distinct possibility.

I can remember one morning in early February of that school year. I woke up that morning after only a couple hours of sleep in tears. I was convinced that the paper I had been up all night writing was awful and therefore what was the point of any of it. My mind at that point was already set on a future years away. It was ingrained in my mind that success was paramount.

That morning I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I couldn’t stop the tears, and I couldn’t coherently describe their cause. I recall my parents telling me I needed to stay home and take the day off, and I weakly argued against it. In my mind I need to go, I needed to be there. It was important, and yet I knew just as well as my parents did that I couldn’t go that day.

That was the say that I was crushed by my fear of even the idea of impending failure. I don’t respond well to failure, though I tend to save my meltdowns for those moments that I am alone. When surrounded by others I am more likely to become even more closed off or even play it off as being no big deal. I tend to over think things, and especially when I perceive myself to have failed.

Beyond these simple facts though is the truth that I failed to post yesterday, and therefore I will be making two posts this weekend.

Focus Failure

All I want to do is sleep, but I failed to work on my psych. homework before going to work this afternoon and now I’m stuck trying to concentrate on completing it. Concentrate is the key word in that sentence, and at the moment it seems impossible… so I’m turning to blogging instead.

The first thing on my list to finish is my article summary on hypochondria. It’s a relatively simple assignment, but it takes some amount of focus. Focus. The second things on my list are the two take home test questions, again not anything difficult.

Now if only I could bring myself to concentrate on the task at hand…

Obadiah Parker

I recently started listening to Obadiah Parker again; recently as in on the way to work yesterday, and on the way home in wee hours of this morning. He falls into the category of folk/soul and I absolutely adore his voice.

When he sings he’s committed to the song, it’s not merely a recitation of words on a page but rather swelling emotion. He sings a cover of Outkast’s “Hey Ya”, and it sounds like a completely different song. He slows it down and removes the overzealous beat.

Each of his songs invokes this sense of yearning that is inescapable. The melodies are enchanting. “Kimberlina” is a great example. The lyrics alone are pure poetry:

I met her below Yosemite, just south of the sky
At the foot of a piano, just before we said goodbye
I would live my life between the desert and the pine
If I could drive forever down Highway 99

From Kimberlina, California
Fourteen hours to Marion, Virginia

Chasing a fire on the horizon that burns above my home
Watching dawn ignite around me, I’m alive in the gloam
I would live my life between the sugar and the pine
If I could drive forever down Highway 99

From Kimberlina, California
Fourteen hours to same old Arizona
Kimberlina I wish that I’d not left her so quickly

On a side note, I obviously failed to post yesterday. There are myriad of excuses that I could use, but I’ll have none of them. Expect two posts on Sunday.

A Moment Past

In the summer of 2000, I was eleven years old and taking part in a mission trip with the church that my family and I used to attend. There is a moment from that trip that seems to be coming to mind frequently in the last several weeks.

I keep remembering a particular conversation that I had with a friend of mine during that trip. It seemed like a strange question for her to ask me, and more than a little morbid. What she wanted to know is if I were to die, what three people was I certain would be at my funeral.
Looking back at how the conversation played out, I now realize the whole purpose of my response was to gauge our friendship. I was supposed to give a particular answer, which became obvious when I failed to give it. I didn’t include her in the list.

Now, I’m almost certain when she pointed this out to me I made up your standard excuses. You know, like “Well of course you would be there, I assumed that was a given since you asked the question…”. But the point is, I didn’t include her in the list. Which looking back is interesting. (Though I would like to point out, at the time the failure to include her was unintentional.)

The context you would need to know, in order to see why this is interesting, is that three or four years after this conversation my family left that church due to unrelated reasons. Also, she was the pastor’s grand-daughter and from Ohio, so the only time we ever talked or were in contact was over the summer.

Needless to say we lost contact years ago. So did I know on some level that she wouldn’t be at my hypothetical funeral? Maybe, possibly I realized on some level that we weren’t that close. I do remember however, listing off my two best friends. They were on that list, and they would still be on that list, and interestingly enough she still wouldn’t be.

Looking at this moment as opposed to so many moments in the past, I see some clarity. For once I’m not looking back and realizing how wrong I used to be. It’s not a moment in time that I look at and think of how naïve I was. For once it’s an opportunity to look at my past beliefs and see that some things really do never change.

Fail.

So I’m the resident moron who remembered that I needed to post yesterday, and then forgot. Yesterday was strange, and I swear if votes had been taken, I would have been voted most scatterbrained. My problem stemmed from the fact that I didn’t plan on going into work… and then I got called in, and of course, who am I to say no?

Saying yes though wasn’t the greatest idea, because after I hung up the phone I remembered the mound of homework I had yet to do. An intelligent move, I thoroughly realize this. So, in an attempt to fix my mistake I hauled a couple books to work with me and was able to tackle some of the reading during my lunch break.

Inevitably the day didn’t get much better. I closed the department, and headed home. Of course I managed to walk past the switchboard and completely forget that I had the department keys in shirt pocket. In fact, I managed to drive part of the way home before realizing that I still had them. This meant turning back around and going back in the building to turn them in. As you can imagine, I was thrilled.

So once I got over the whole key fiasco, I managed to drive myself home. The whole way here I remembered that I had a blog post to write and post, in fact I even contemplated what I wanted to write. I was pretty sure I had it all figured out by the time I walked in the door… At that point it was about 10:00.

Did I come right in, grab my computer and start typing? No. Of course not! I sat around in the living room and watched the end of a movie. Then of course I came in and got my computer from my room. Did I blog? Heck no. I did however check YouTube, and my e-mail and couple authors’ blogs. Then I sat my computer aside.

By the time I remembered my complete failure to write and post an entry to this blog, it was ten to one. Smart move, I know. So now, thanks to my complete lack of focus yesterday I will be posting twice on Saturday… and I have to work… oh yeah, it’ll be fun.
At least there are only two more days, aside from punishment day, of posting. I think I can manage to hold things together and keep with the schedule. Although I thought I could manage that to begin with, and look where that got me…