A Change in Plans

The plans that God has for us don’t always match up with those that we had for ourselves. Had you asked me a year ago where I expected to be today, that answer would be quite different from my present reality. This time a year ago I had just gotten into Michigan State University. I had transferred there from Washtenaw Community College with the intent to pursue a Bachelor’s degree in Journalism.

I wanted to be a writer. It was a plan that made a lot of sense. After all, MSU has a wonderful J-school. But the more I consider that career choice, the more I feel that it was solely my plan and not necessarily God’s plan. Yes, I was pursuing Journalism with the intention to help people, but how far can words go in helping people?

I have always believed that words carry a lot of power, and I continue to believe that. But I don’t feel that my true passions lie in putting words down on paper like I may have once thought. While I enjoy writing, and I could probably be suitably happy writing for the rest of my life, I don’t think that it would ultimately satisfy my passion for helping people.

I feel that being an EMT allows me to be instrumental in helping those that are in crisis.

I realize that writer and EMT are drastically different career paths, but… it’s where I feel like I need to be. It’s where I feel called to be. I have a broad idea of what my future has in store for me, but I think that’s all we can have. A broad idea.

It’s best to live in the present, be cognizant of the role the past has played and to be open to what the future has in store. At the present this is where I am. I am grateful for the experiences that now reside in my past, and I am remaining open to what each new day has to offer me.

Sleepless

While it may be incredibly early it is in fact Monday morning, and since sleep seems to be illusive at the moment there is no reason for my not to blog. It's annoying when you are tired enough that you cannot bring yourself to focus on any one thing and yet you cannot find sleep either. I would love to sleep, but it seems impossible for the moment.

My mind is abuzz with chatter, and I wish there were some switch that I could flip so that it might stop. The house is silent aside from the gentle murmur of my ceiling fan. (Why this is relevant, I'm not sure.)

This weekend was inconsequential as weekends go. Today I narrowly avoided the monotony that work has become. Thankfully I managed to retain my day off. Therefore I spent much of the day taking a look at a 'novel' that I began writing several years ago now. It definitely needs some polishing up and plot revision in general. I gave the first chapter a well deserved make over today. Perhaps as I get it cleaned up further I'll post some excerpts of it here.

I find that as time passes I long for and dread the coming of August in equal measure. There are so many pros and cons to the passage of time. While on the one hand it promises to relieve from me the burden of my present stress, it presents a whole new realm of stress to delve into. Why can nothing ever be simple? Why is it so impossible for us each to understand the pressure that we inflict upon others with our expectations and actions?

Much later today I will go to work. I am merely stating a fact here, as I cannot yet ascertain whether or not this is a good or a bad thing. There are only so many things which I am certain of. The first is that I am ready for change, and the second is that despite how much I seek change it is tempting for so many things to remain the same.

Volunteer, Get Involved

I used to volunteer all the time when I was in high school and a member of the National Honor Society. Prior to my involvement with that group, I went on mission trips with the church that I attended up until my freshman year of high school.

My point here is that I used to volunteer all of the time, and it’s something that I miss. The thing about volunteering is that it is something that you can do for other people, and therefore put them before one’s self. Sometimes it’s important to take a step back from your own thoughts and the situations that are nagging at you and give back to the community.

It’s easy to get caught up in our troubles, and fears, and worries to the point that they consume us. Volunteering is a way to divert this energy and take a moment to think about people and situation beyond one’s self.

My goal this summer is going to be to look for more opportunities to volunteer and regain some of that perspective that I feel as though I have lost in the last two years. I need to stop worrying so much about what the future holds and take a moment to consider the present.

Building Bridges

Over the weekend I finished reading “Envy” by Anna Godbersen, and I really enjoyed it. There was one line in particular that has kind of stuck with me. It was an aside by the narrator attributed to the character Elizabeth, “It would have been difficult for her to say with certainty who she was anymore”.

This is an interesting observation to me because I believe for most of us, at various stages in our lives this idea holds true. I know it holds true for me, because I’m not always certain who I am in the greater scheme of things. I most certainly am not always certain of the person that I have become or see myself becoming.

Sometimes it’s difficult to reconcile the present with the expectations of the future that I previously held. I remember a time when I was certain that graduating from High School would mean an end to days where I would wake up wishing for the future to be closer at hand. I told myself that it was end of waking up in the morning and knowing I had go somewhere that I had no desire to go.

And yet, there are times when I feel certain that I have put myself in that same situation once again. I find myself cornered by my own desire to build a future where this feeling may be extinguished.

It’s frustrating to be aware of where you stand and equally certain of where you want to go. It’s the connection between the two that seems unfathomable. The second seems unattainable by virtue of the un-bridged gap that exists between them.

I am in the process of building that bridge. It is a slow, painstaking process.