Lame

I have been awful about updating this lately. It was plenty early when I remembered it last night, but I was already in bed and honestly I needed the sleep more than I needed to blog. This coming weekend should go much more smoothly than this past weekend though so I'm not too worried about.

I'm finally feeling better, though I'm still left with some congestion. That I can deal with however. The presentation yesterday went really well. Unless you were a part of our group, I really doubt that it was obvious that we went into it without having all previously met.

Ultimately the project appeared more planned out than it actually ever was, and that is awesome. I would have preferred it if we had had better communication through-out the planning stages, but it ended up working out okay. The whole group seemed to be glad to finally have the project out of the way. It's a liberating feeling.

Flyleaf's new CD came out today, which is really cool, but then it's not because I definitely can't afford it right now. We'll see how things go next pay day as far as that is concerned, though I'm really excited about the new CD. From what I've heard of it it's really good!

I have a newspaper to read, and then I'm getting some sleep. I'm hoping to lose the congestion within the next few days. That would be amazing!

Outrunning Yourself

One of my favorite parts of a work day is the drive there/home. It is my moment of solitude and time to myself. Of course too much time spent in solitude isn't necessarily a good thing either, which is why more often than not when on my own I turn up the radio load enough to drown out my own thoughts, and have most of the windows open.

I like it when the wind whips through my hair and the sun streams through the open windows. The best time to drive is on sunny days when the sky is blue and marked by big puffy clouds.

The thing is though, we can't outrun ourselves.

Despite the fact that we may at times wish to escape particular thoughts, or past actions, or situations it's just not possible. Our past shapes who we are in the future, and is something that we have to acknowledge in order to move forward. We have to accept our composite parts, and in order to do that it is first necessary to cease in desist in running from the various facets of what makes us who we are.

I'm not completely sure where I am going with any of this. In fact, I feel like I'm rambling which is all together very likely.

Road Trip

Today was a rather busy day.

At around noon Sarah and I drove up to the DTE Music Theater. Her parents wanted us to take a day and drive up there to prove that we could navigate our way there. At first it looked like we were going to have to take a parent along but in the end it was just the two us and an abundance of maps. It was really straight forward which was good. At any rate it was a good indicator of how much time we will have to allow for the drive on the actual concert date.

One thing the trip definitely highlighted was that summer is equivalent to construction season in Michigan. The drive, albeit beautiful, was fraught with construction. Thank god for ipods and and thereby commercial free music. It was a fun drive though.

Once we managed to make it to Clarkston we had lunch with another girl that lives up there, and by four we were back on the road again. Now, I am notorious for being able to navigate to a location and then somehow get all turned around on the drive home.

I'm perfectly aware that the drive home should be the easiest part of the trip, but for one reason or another it always turns out to be the trickiest part for me. Go figure.

About a half an hour into the trip home we realized that we were headed in the wrong direction and therefore had to turn around. After that small snag though it was a smooth ride aside from some heavy traffic around Ann Arbor.

I am now home, eating an English muffin and continuing to contemplate a way to deal with paying my tuition. Tomorrow I get to make the drive to MSU to talk with someone who will hopefully be able to help me solve my problem. Fingers crossed!

Greg Holden

“It’s better to make your mistakes
than to live without knowing,
it’s better to fall on your face
than to stay on your feet”
-“The Art of Falling” by Greg Holden

This is an idea that I like to live by, but I don’t always manage to. When you are busy failing or perceiving yourself as failing it doesn’t always feel as though it is worth it. While sitting here at my desk it’s easy to feel as though there is always something to be learned from making mistakes, and yet at the same time when in those moments of making the actual mistake it’s crushing.

As a rule I don’t like fail. No one likes to fail, or seeks to fail.

What I really like about these lyrics is that they remind us that it’s okay to take risks. Risks allow us the opportunity to learn and to grow. Mistakes offer models for future success, and this something that I often lose sight of. I think it’s something many of us often lose sight of.

To Disappear

I was listening to Fall Out Boy’s latest album on the way home from work the other night. ‘20 Dollar Nose Bleed’ come on, and as it opens the lead singer sings, “Do you ever want to disappear?”. It’s an interesting question, because it got me thinking about the beliefs we hold believing them to be truth.

When you believe something to be true but later discover it false does it loose any of the truth it held for the moment in which it was believed to be so?

There was certainly a point in time where I wanted to disappear. I really craved it, because I believed for whatever reason that would make everything better. In my bleakest moments I can still convince myself that this is what I want, even though in moments of clarity I know better.

Maybe it’s not that we ever truly wish to disappear but that we want to be assured that if we were to manage such a thing we would be missed. Maybe the idea of disappearance is only true in that it is believed to be an escape hatch. We seem to think that ditching the life that we are faced with will result in losing those moments that are making it difficult. Yet once moments have passed into existence they take on their new life in memory, and we can’t outrun ourselves no matter how much we wish to try.

It is easier said to forgive than to forget, and this is why I don’t believe in that maxim. It is nearly impossible to ever forget, and therefore I suggest not worry so much about forgetting, because where there is forgiveness there isn’t the need. Forgive yourself and others for those moments that are hard to bear, and remember those instances and the way that you dealt with them in order to learn how to deal in the future. Remember as a lesson, and allow the pain to ease through the implementation of forgiveness.

Obadiah Parker

I recently started listening to Obadiah Parker again; recently as in on the way to work yesterday, and on the way home in wee hours of this morning. He falls into the category of folk/soul and I absolutely adore his voice.

When he sings he’s committed to the song, it’s not merely a recitation of words on a page but rather swelling emotion. He sings a cover of Outkast’s “Hey Ya”, and it sounds like a completely different song. He slows it down and removes the overzealous beat.

Each of his songs invokes this sense of yearning that is inescapable. The melodies are enchanting. “Kimberlina” is a great example. The lyrics alone are pure poetry:

I met her below Yosemite, just south of the sky
At the foot of a piano, just before we said goodbye
I would live my life between the desert and the pine
If I could drive forever down Highway 99

From Kimberlina, California
Fourteen hours to Marion, Virginia

Chasing a fire on the horizon that burns above my home
Watching dawn ignite around me, I’m alive in the gloam
I would live my life between the sugar and the pine
If I could drive forever down Highway 99

From Kimberlina, California
Fourteen hours to same old Arizona
Kimberlina I wish that I’d not left her so quickly

On a side note, I obviously failed to post yesterday. There are myriad of excuses that I could use, but I’ll have none of them. Expect two posts on Sunday.