Friday, May 29, 2009

To Disappear

I was listening to Fall Out Boy’s latest album on the way home from work the other night. ‘20 Dollar Nose Bleed’ come on, and as it opens the lead singer sings, “Do you ever want to disappear?”. It’s an interesting question, because it got me thinking about the beliefs we hold believing them to be truth.

When you believe something to be true but later discover it false does it loose any of the truth it held for the moment in which it was believed to be so?

There was certainly a point in time where I wanted to disappear. I really craved it, because I believed for whatever reason that would make everything better. In my bleakest moments I can still convince myself that this is what I want, even though in moments of clarity I know better.

Maybe it’s not that we ever truly wish to disappear but that we want to be assured that if we were to manage such a thing we would be missed. Maybe the idea of disappearance is only true in that it is believed to be an escape hatch. We seem to think that ditching the life that we are faced with will result in losing those moments that are making it difficult. Yet once moments have passed into existence they take on their new life in memory, and we can’t outrun ourselves no matter how much we wish to try.

It is easier said to forgive than to forget, and this is why I don’t believe in that maxim. It is nearly impossible to ever forget, and therefore I suggest not worry so much about forgetting, because where there is forgiveness there isn’t the need. Forgive yourself and others for those moments that are hard to bear, and remember those instances and the way that you dealt with them in order to learn how to deal in the future. Remember as a lesson, and allow the pain to ease through the implementation of forgiveness.

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