I was listening to Fall Out Boy’s latest album on the way home from work the other night. ‘20 Dollar Nose Bleed’ come on, and as it opens the lead singer sings, “Do you ever want to disappear?”. It’s an interesting question, because it got me thinking about the beliefs we hold believing them to be truth.
When you believe something to be true but later discover it false does it loose any of the truth it held for the moment in which it was believed to be so?
There was certainly a point in time where I wanted to disappear. I really craved it, because I believed for whatever reason that would make everything better. In my bleakest moments I can still convince myself that this is what I want, even though in moments of clarity I know better.
Maybe it’s not that we ever truly wish to disappear but that we want to be assured that if we were to manage such a thing we would be missed. Maybe the idea of disappearance is only true in that it is believed to be an escape hatch. We seem to think that ditching the life that we are faced with will result in losing those moments that are making it difficult. Yet once moments have passed into existence they take on their new life in memory, and we can’t outrun ourselves no matter how much we wish to try.
It is easier said to forgive than to forget, and this is why I don’t believe in that maxim. It is nearly impossible to ever forget, and therefore I suggest not worry so much about forgetting, because where there is forgiveness there isn’t the need. Forgive yourself and others for those moments that are hard to bear, and remember those instances and the way that you dealt with them in order to learn how to deal in the future. Remember as a lesson, and allow the pain to ease through the implementation of forgiveness.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Craptastic
In the process of trying to get my computer to register that the optical drive really does exist, I managed to uninstall my mouse. Intelligent move, I know. On the bright side I did manage to re-install the mouse by using a wireless mouse to re-install it.
On the not so bright side this means that this post is late and therefore going to be complete rubbish. Ah well, that is the way the ball bounces I suppose.
I need to make this one hundred words. A moment ago I only had about eighty-two. Now I have one-hundred and I am off to sleep. I’m sorry this post is crap, I’ll try to do better tomorrow.
On the not so bright side this means that this post is late and therefore going to be complete rubbish. Ah well, that is the way the ball bounces I suppose.
I need to make this one hundred words. A moment ago I only had about eighty-two. Now I have one-hundred and I am off to sleep. I’m sorry this post is crap, I’ll try to do better tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Fragmented Truth
As I was sitting in the break room at work tonight I picked up a portion of Sunday's paper that was laying on the table. I love all of Mitch Albom's books, and so when I see his articles in the Free Press I like to read them. The particular article that caught my eye this evening was one of his entitled, "Our lives as seen through a window".
I found the concept really interesting. He considers how important windows are to our lives, whether we are in grade schoool dreaming of the playground just beyond out windows, a writer looking for inspiration , or an everyday individual facing our world. He recalled an apartment that he had in NYC and how his window faced a brick wall and grew to become assciated with a sense of clastrophobia.
The story that pervades the article however, is the preacher whose funeral Mitch Albom notes to have recently attended. He draws notices to the fact that the preacher wanted his office window to face his churches playground. This signified what was important to him, and thereby establishes the precedent for Albom's article. Our windows reflect what is important to us.
Near the end of the article Albom states: " And I realize how much we define the world by what we see through our windows".
I really like this idea because it eptomizes a universal truth that we often attempt to avoid. The world revolves around interpretation, whether it be mine, or yours, or that person that lives down the street. Not one of us necessarily see the world in the same way because our view from our windows differ. Our perspectives are different, and therefore our interpretations are different; not necessarily wrong in their diffrence and not necessarily right either. In fact in general our individual interpretations tend to be peices of the fragmented truth.
I found the concept really interesting. He considers how important windows are to our lives, whether we are in grade schoool dreaming of the playground just beyond out windows, a writer looking for inspiration , or an everyday individual facing our world. He recalled an apartment that he had in NYC and how his window faced a brick wall and grew to become assciated with a sense of clastrophobia.
The story that pervades the article however, is the preacher whose funeral Mitch Albom notes to have recently attended. He draws notices to the fact that the preacher wanted his office window to face his churches playground. This signified what was important to him, and thereby establishes the precedent for Albom's article. Our windows reflect what is important to us.
Near the end of the article Albom states: " And I realize how much we define the world by what we see through our windows".
I really like this idea because it eptomizes a universal truth that we often attempt to avoid. The world revolves around interpretation, whether it be mine, or yours, or that person that lives down the street. Not one of us necessarily see the world in the same way because our view from our windows differ. Our perspectives are different, and therefore our interpretations are different; not necessarily wrong in their diffrence and not necessarily right either. In fact in general our individual interpretations tend to be peices of the fragmented truth.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
My New Hero
I had to drive to WCC today in order to have a final transcript sent to MSU. It would have been a nicer drive had the sun come out, but Sarah agreed to ride along so it was a fun trip. Once we had stopped at a Coney Island for lunch, we headed back towards home.
Funnily enough, as we were headed out of Saline this car stated tailgating me, and once we got to section of twelve that included a passing lane the woman passed me. Mind you, the driver was a little old lady and I was speeding as it was. It was hilarious, and that woman is my new hero. I want to drive like her when I’m older.
The remainder of the drive was uneventful, aside from the ridiculous police debacle once we’d reached Adrian. We were driving along and I looked in my rearview mirror only to be greeted with the flashing lights on top of a police car. In general it doesn’t bother me to be pulled over as long as I know that I’m doing something that makes me worthy of being pulled over.
I was doing nothing wrong in this instance, but I pulled over nonetheless. I proceeded to watch as he drove on by. Of course I was relieved, but confused. The police officer didn’t pull over the person in front of me either, in fact at the first opportunity he pulled onto a side street and turned off his lights as he continued to drive along. Talk about annoying.
Funnily enough, as we were headed out of Saline this car stated tailgating me, and once we got to section of twelve that included a passing lane the woman passed me. Mind you, the driver was a little old lady and I was speeding as it was. It was hilarious, and that woman is my new hero. I want to drive like her when I’m older.
The remainder of the drive was uneventful, aside from the ridiculous police debacle once we’d reached Adrian. We were driving along and I looked in my rearview mirror only to be greeted with the flashing lights on top of a police car. In general it doesn’t bother me to be pulled over as long as I know that I’m doing something that makes me worthy of being pulled over.
I was doing nothing wrong in this instance, but I pulled over nonetheless. I proceeded to watch as he drove on by. Of course I was relieved, but confused. The police officer didn’t pull over the person in front of me either, in fact at the first opportunity he pulled onto a side street and turned off his lights as he continued to drive along. Talk about annoying.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Technology Woes
Technology is not my friend at the moment, and Window’s Vista has certain never been my friend. Why can’t my computer just stop gross and work like it is supposed to, or even like it did say four months ago. Roughly four months ago, because I can’t be bothered to actually remember when this happened as it would be too helpful; my computer decided it no longer wanted to recognize the optical drives existence.
They are no longer communicating, which makes my life difficult which seems to be the theme of the universe.
So I have lived without an operational optical drive for some time now, and have recently embarked on correcting this issue. This is plan that I should never, ever have acted on because it has been nothing short a headache. I have tried installing driver updates, and BIOS, I’ve referred to the HP site and their advice… I’ve even reset the computer to its original factory settings managing to lose a couple files that I failed to remember I hadn’t backed up. Thankfully it was nothing vital.
My older brother works with computers. I let him take apart the drive and look it over, and by all appearances it should work. Following that inspection I “borrowed” my younger brothers computer, which is the same model and traded drives. I thought maybe the drive was the problem and since his worked before switching them, it was worth a shot.
Upon switching the optical drives I discovered that not only did the one from his computer still not show up on mine, but the drive that refused to exist on my computer worked just fine in his. O. M. G.
At this point based on what research I have conducted regarding the issue, because I’m not the only one who has had this particular problem with this particular model… It looks like the problem may be the motherboard. Now I am not fluent in computer, but this prospect doesn’t make me all that happy. To add insult to injury I can’t seem to communicate effectively with the HP support people to find out a concrete solution to my problem.
For the moment the prospect of just living with the mysteriously missing drive is appealing. Technology is short sucks.
They are no longer communicating, which makes my life difficult which seems to be the theme of the universe.
So I have lived without an operational optical drive for some time now, and have recently embarked on correcting this issue. This is plan that I should never, ever have acted on because it has been nothing short a headache. I have tried installing driver updates, and BIOS, I’ve referred to the HP site and their advice… I’ve even reset the computer to its original factory settings managing to lose a couple files that I failed to remember I hadn’t backed up. Thankfully it was nothing vital.
My older brother works with computers. I let him take apart the drive and look it over, and by all appearances it should work. Following that inspection I “borrowed” my younger brothers computer, which is the same model and traded drives. I thought maybe the drive was the problem and since his worked before switching them, it was worth a shot.
Upon switching the optical drives I discovered that not only did the one from his computer still not show up on mine, but the drive that refused to exist on my computer worked just fine in his. O. M. G.
At this point based on what research I have conducted regarding the issue, because I’m not the only one who has had this particular problem with this particular model… It looks like the problem may be the motherboard. Now I am not fluent in computer, but this prospect doesn’t make me all that happy. To add insult to injury I can’t seem to communicate effectively with the HP support people to find out a concrete solution to my problem.
For the moment the prospect of just living with the mysteriously missing drive is appealing. Technology is short sucks.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Just Another Day
I’m eating healthy tonight. At the moment I’ve got a can of cotton candy at my side and in moments I will have a frozen lasagna serving fresh from the oven. As usual, I have a glass of coke near at hand. Yum!
Work was fairly uneventful. The majority of my day was spent climbing a ladder and hanging pictures, and then re-hanging them when they didn’t look right the first time. This wasn’t so bad, though several of the pictures were rather large and therefore rather heavy.
I wish I had more to talk about, but I don’t seem to. I suppose this will have to pass for today’s post…
Work was fairly uneventful. The majority of my day was spent climbing a ladder and hanging pictures, and then re-hanging them when they didn’t look right the first time. This wasn’t so bad, though several of the pictures were rather large and therefore rather heavy.
I wish I had more to talk about, but I don’t seem to. I suppose this will have to pass for today’s post…
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Review To Come
I finished reading “The Attack” by Yasmina Khadra and translated by John Cullen. It’s an amazing book that I picked up on a whim at my local used bookstore. The use of language is almost poetic and the story is poignant. Once I get a review written up for it I’ll be posting it here: http://www.bookjabber.blogspot.com
Aside from that accomplishment there wasn’t much more to my day. I failed to fax a copy of my AP scores to MSU like I was going to. I suppose I should make sure to do that before going to work tomorrow afternoon.
I started reading “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” this morning. It is every bit as AWESOME as it sounds. As long as you don’t take it too seriously it’s hilarious, and in general a pleasure to read. I’m only a few pages in and I am most certainly hooked. Already I would recommend this book to anyone.
Aside from that accomplishment there wasn’t much more to my day. I failed to fax a copy of my AP scores to MSU like I was going to. I suppose I should make sure to do that before going to work tomorrow afternoon.
I started reading “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” this morning. It is every bit as AWESOME as it sounds. As long as you don’t take it too seriously it’s hilarious, and in general a pleasure to read. I’m only a few pages in and I am most certainly hooked. Already I would recommend this book to anyone.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Disappearance
It is possible to embrace change, in the same instance in which you feel your own doubts raining down on you. I can’t blame anyone for making me feel any particular way… sometimes it’s hard to know when it is appropriate to behave selfishly. In the moments that I am being honest with myself I know that the direction I am moving in is the right one, and yet there is the doubt, the uncertainty, and the knowledge of the things that I will leave behind.
There are those that wish for things to remain as they are, they fear the coming changes to the status quo. I understand that, truly I do… and yet that fear drags at me like a weight. I feel as though I am sinking under its pressure.
I want to be able to reassure everyone that everything will play out as it ought. I am not truly leaving, just initiating a short migration. There are those who deem the incumbent changes as my disappearance and I don’t know how to combat that idea. How can I confirm that is not the plan?
I suppose it’s just another matter in which time must run its course. There is no way to prove the happenings of the future except to live through the present and actually reach and then live those future days. This isn’t as reassuring a thought as it is intended to be, or perhaps it’s not intended to reassure. Perhaps this is merely an irrefutable fact, meant only to be true and not to be construed as either good or bad.
It seems to be a solid truth that where there is any amount of certainty there must also exist an equal or greater dose of uncertainty.
There are those that wish for things to remain as they are, they fear the coming changes to the status quo. I understand that, truly I do… and yet that fear drags at me like a weight. I feel as though I am sinking under its pressure.
I want to be able to reassure everyone that everything will play out as it ought. I am not truly leaving, just initiating a short migration. There are those who deem the incumbent changes as my disappearance and I don’t know how to combat that idea. How can I confirm that is not the plan?
I suppose it’s just another matter in which time must run its course. There is no way to prove the happenings of the future except to live through the present and actually reach and then live those future days. This isn’t as reassuring a thought as it is intended to be, or perhaps it’s not intended to reassure. Perhaps this is merely an irrefutable fact, meant only to be true and not to be construed as either good or bad.
It seems to be a solid truth that where there is any amount of certainty there must also exist an equal or greater dose of uncertainty.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Not Much To Say
Lately this whole blogging thing has been going really well, and then a night like tonight rolls around. For the last hour I’ve been staring at this blank screen to intimidated to start putting words on the page. I’m not exactly sure of the source of this intimidation aside from possibly the conviction that I don’t really have much to say.
It’s been a rather quiet day all around. I’ve nearly finished reading a book that I began the other day, which I suppose is an accomplishment… but aside from that I’ve been fairly unproductive. I go back to work tomorrow, and perhaps that will spur something more interesting with which to write about.
In fact, I work the next four days in a row. It’s interesting to have gone from having only one day to work this week to having a total of five. It’s good of course in the long run…
It’s been a rather quiet day all around. I’ve nearly finished reading a book that I began the other day, which I suppose is an accomplishment… but aside from that I’ve been fairly unproductive. I go back to work tomorrow, and perhaps that will spur something more interesting with which to write about.
In fact, I work the next four days in a row. It’s interesting to have gone from having only one day to work this week to having a total of five. It’s good of course in the long run…
Monday, May 18, 2009
Dumb Americans
Is anyone else tired of hearing how dumb American students apparently are? I am, and I have been, and I will continue to be. It seems that every few months or so some journalist somewhere feels that it is incumbent upon them to pull out this ridiculous litany.
It is unfair to make comparisons between educational systems because they are not all organized and conceived in the same way. If you compare an apple and a kiwi you aren’t going to find many similarities. Yes, perhaps they are both fruit, and you may stretch the comparison to say that they both have seeds. This however, is where the similarities may end.
They are incomparable beyond these points, because in taste they nothing near one another, shape does not signify as a similarity, neither are the same in color or overall appearance.
While the educational system in the U S of A may be similar to those in other countries in that they are educational systems put into place in order to present knowledge to students, this is where the similarities end. The systems while they are similar in purpose are not identical in execution and therefore any comparison is incomplete.
I’m not sure where exactly I was going to go with this…
It is unfair to make comparisons between educational systems because they are not all organized and conceived in the same way. If you compare an apple and a kiwi you aren’t going to find many similarities. Yes, perhaps they are both fruit, and you may stretch the comparison to say that they both have seeds. This however, is where the similarities may end.
They are incomparable beyond these points, because in taste they nothing near one another, shape does not signify as a similarity, neither are the same in color or overall appearance.
While the educational system in the U S of A may be similar to those in other countries in that they are educational systems put into place in order to present knowledge to students, this is where the similarities end. The systems while they are similar in purpose are not identical in execution and therefore any comparison is incomplete.
I’m not sure where exactly I was going to go with this…
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