“How do you typically react to failure or defeat?”
But the question was how I typically react to failure. I’d love to say that I take it in stride, but I know that’s not an honest answer. I tend to be able to work through it, but it depends on how
I’ve perceived myself to have failed. How committed I was to the project prior to the failure makes a world of difference.
In general, I’ve been known to revert back into myself following a failure. I remember that my freshman year of high school was particularly trying. Looking back on it now I’m aware that I was never truly in any danger of failing, but I was afraid of the distinct possibility.
I can remember one morning in early February of that school year. I woke up that morning after only a couple hours of sleep in tears. I was convinced that the paper I had been up all night writing was awful and therefore what was the point of any of it. My mind at that point was already set on a future years away. It was ingrained in my mind that success was paramount.
That morning I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I couldn’t stop the tears, and I couldn’t coherently describe their cause. I recall my parents telling me I needed to stay home and take the day off, and I weakly argued against it. In my mind I need to go, I needed to be there. It was important, and yet I knew just as well as my parents did that I couldn’t go that day.
That was the say that I was crushed by my fear of even the idea of impending failure. I don’t respond well to failure, though I tend to save my meltdowns for those moments that I am alone. When surrounded by others I am more likely to become even more closed off or even play it off as being no big deal. I tend to over think things, and especially when I perceive myself to have failed.
Beyond these simple facts though is the truth that I failed to post yesterday, and therefore I will be making two posts this weekend.
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