Over the weekend I finished reading “Envy” by Anna Godbersen, and I really enjoyed it. There was one line in particular that has kind of stuck with me. It was an aside by the narrator attributed to the character Elizabeth, “It would have been difficult for her to say with certainty who she was anymore”.
This is an interesting observation to me because I believe for most of us, at various stages in our lives this idea holds true. I know it holds true for me, because I’m not always certain who I am in the greater scheme of things. I most certainly am not always certain of the person that I have become or see myself becoming.
Sometimes it’s difficult to reconcile the present with the expectations of the future that I previously held. I remember a time when I was certain that graduating from High School would mean an end to days where I would wake up wishing for the future to be closer at hand. I told myself that it was end of waking up in the morning and knowing I had go somewhere that I had no desire to go.
And yet, there are times when I feel certain that I have put myself in that same situation once again. I find myself cornered by my own desire to build a future where this feeling may be extinguished.
It’s frustrating to be aware of where you stand and equally certain of where you want to go. It’s the connection between the two that seems unfathomable. The second seems unattainable by virtue of the un-bridged gap that exists between them.
I am in the process of building that bridge. It is a slow, painstaking process.