Sunday, March 01, 2009


How did I reach this cross-roads? Sometimes I feel so lost. Sometimes I’m not certain that I really know what it is that I’m looking to achieve. There are times where it feels like all I do is look for ways to help other people. So much of my time is given to making sure that other people are taken care of…

There are times that I wish I would just stop caring. Why do I have to be such a bleeding heart all of the time? Is it so wrong to want to be a little selfish once and while? The logical answer I want to give is no, it’s not so wrong to want to consider yourself every once and a while but the guilt of that idea is so over powering.

What do I have to feel guilty for? Why do I feel so guilty? I want to sleep, I want give the thoughts that are hindering my ability to sleep a rest. I want to sink into the oblivion of thoughtless, dreamless sleep but it’s being illusive tonight.

What I want above all else to feel this weight lift from my shoulders. I want to stop feeling burdened by the things I cannot control. But I don’t know how to do that, I don’t know how to relinquish these feelings. I have no idea how to let go and breathe. How do you let go? Where is peace and how can I garner it?

I feel like I’m letting everyone down, I always feel like I’m letting everyone down…

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