Sometimes it’s easier to ponder the future rather than to be constantly aware of the present; though for the most part this results in a great deal of distraction. I feel distracted and disorganized, and where the future seemed so clear even weeks ago, is today muddled in a thick sheen of uncertainly.
I feel like this is growing into a common theme, and has perhaps always been my common theme.
It’s easy for those surrounding you to think that you’re completely held together. I am frequently astounded when those around me offer me a glimpse of the person they see when they look at me. Most of the time I don’t feel like I hold to those expectations very well; I feel far more fallible than people seem to give me credit for.
This is something that we are all prone to doing though. We like to shove people into particular boxes, categorize the way that they act in order to build up a schema of how they are supposed to act. Deviance from this schema is always unexpected…
Are we ever solidly one person? Do we ever reflect a true self?
To ask one of my co-workers who I am, would most likely result in a response that labeled me dependable, quiet, and relaxed. They would not label me as an aggressive person, they wouldn’t consider me someone willing to push boundaries or fight for something.
On the other hand, my closest family would more than likely agree that I’m fairly quiet and quite dependable, the last count would find them wavering. They know my struggles with temper, and they know that I’m willing to speak up when I need to. When I have an opinion, they know how passionately I can express that opinion.
While there are similarities between these reflections, there are stark contrasts, and those contrasts lead me to question how well we can really know any one person. How well can we even know ourselves?