Monday, March 30, 2009

Heavy Thoughts

I am staggering in disbelief, drowning in disillusionment, and wishing to recapture a former clarity. I want to believe again in the world around me, but I’m not sure that’s possible. Can you go back, and do you even want to?

It’s like I’m staring heavenward from the bottom of the deepest well screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can hear. How did things get so out of control, why have we all allowed ourselves to be so blind that it would come to this?

My niece has been found, but it’s not over yet. Some choices have been made that I can’t agree with but she’s not my daughter and so I’m powerless to turn the tide as it stands. I want those who can, those who are responsible for correcting this monumental mistake to do what needs to be done. I want them to do what should have been done in the first place.

I want the chance to be the Aunt that I always should have been. I want the chance to wrap my arms around my niece and let her know that even though I’ve been remiss in saying that I love her. I love her unconditionally and I’m here. I want her to know that there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for her. I want her to be aware that there are options open to her even the world seems so desolate and blank. I want her realize that I’m in her corner, that I’ve always been in her corner.

I want that second chance and I’m praying that I get it.

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